The day I lost my mind

Today is a very black day in my life. I've lost my temper at the 2 women closest to me for trivial reasons and also committed academic suicide. They only had concern for me, they wanted to share their problems and look to me for support but the backlash was undeserving for them. The pressures of being a student is not the cause, but rather my own procrastination, my own incompetence, my own grave I dug with my own hands. I already have forseen this day will come if I do not put in the consistent work demanded from a student in a local University, studying in a demanding course such as Engineering. I've wasted a year retaking my A levels, that alone should be sufficient enough to awake me from fool's slumber, but I stayed within the confort zone, stubbornly refusing to move an inch out of it. I've not practiced what I preached, therefore I'm doubly guilty. I know this would happen, I've told people around me it will come 1 day, but I heed no advice of my friends, my close ones, myself. Nothing can compensate what I have did today. Somehow I felt insane, looking back on the events that lead to the climax of my stupidity.

I did not cry even though my heart was bleeding inside. The most pain comes when you want to cry but the tears just would not come forth. Have anyone of you had this feeling? I pray none of you had such a heart-wrecking feeling as it would mean you had been through as insane, as unexplainable, as helpless as what I had gone through.

The only thing I must focus on are my other 5 papers, & making amends for the negativity I have spread around.

It's a sad day in the life of a struggling CEE student in NTU.